My Crazy Wins (or Does It?)


Post-menopausal syndrome and the attack on the scammers...

So, I’m watching the nightly news, and a story comes on about assholes scamming elderly, unwitting people out of their life savings, and I find myself wanting, hoping that one would call ME just so I could mess with them. I played the whole scenario out in my head, CRAFTY in my commitment to take one down… I would go along with the scam, asking them where I should send the money, then go about my day. When they realized that I wasn’t sending any money and the harassment continued, I would answer their next few calls with elevator muzak until they hung up. After that went on for a while (as I understand they are persistent), I would answer as if we’d never spoken before and begin to engage them in discussions about Satan and how they’d be welcome at his table, but not as a guest, as the main course. For effect, I would maintain a normal and controlled, even pleasant tone -- similar to that of Norman Bates in his creepy closing scene…you know the one. Then, having sufficiently weirded out my unworthy adversary and ending the harassment, I would gloat in the victory of having proven that MY CRAZY WINS!!!


True story. I mean, not that any of this actually happened…just that I actually played this out in great detail (as described) in my head over the course of 10 minutes (or more). I know… THIS IS NOT NORMAL! I can’t even tell you what the rest of the nightly news was about because my thought bubble took over (which happens a lot these days). But honestly, it’s safer for me in there – especially when the hostility kicks in. That’s when I realize that it’s got to be the PMS – only these days, instead of “pre” the “P” stands for “All the time”. Talk about a perimenopausal head trip…


It used to be these bouts of unbridled hostility came before my period, now they come after. And girl, do they come. At least when they came on before, it was a sign of what was to come and I knew they would subside once my Flo came. But now, when they come after, ‘AINT NO TELLIN’ WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN and that’s just not a good thing, especially at work. I want to battle EVERYONE I TALK TO and I can’t tell if it’s because everyone else is stupid or if I’m having a disproportionate (and inappropriate) response to everything they say (which is probably stupid). To be fair, it really could be either…

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